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O pôr-do-sol é bonito.

You fired a thousand moments bejeweled
with an after-breath from a coma,
and I was miles away from home
like a dead man with no bones
or a mother to weep for.

Above rooftops, where dust walked
with death-sheets and white teeth,
birds sat quietly, dreaming of
their broken nests made of hair and dirt,
colored in yolks and God's saliva.

I remember walking with a womb,
our child missing, waves of sirens
decorating street lamps and sidewalks,
draining us of our flesh and blood.

Mãe shot like a bullet from her lips
and dribbled down my earlobes
as we wept for soundless hours.

Caminhemos de mão dada, you slobbered in tears,

and we marched to the ryes of nowhere.
We let fireflies explode in our hair,
kissed as our jaws clicked,
and slept as the sun fell.

Tenho saudades tuas, we dreamt.

And how your face ballooned like a doll,
eyes slithered behind lids,
foretelling the birth of the sky
as a titanic of celestial bodies,
and stars like children with blue faces.

They hung like embryos with silver necks,
brewing hands and feet to hold mothers.
I placed my chiseled palm upon your left breast
and we held nothing in our chests.

We drummed our fingertips on the dirt,
spines spitting out from our backs
like twigs tangled in loose thread,
and we parted our views by sleeping on our sides.

And I remember your sore tongue
from swallowing too hard, my head on your belly,
listening for the echoes of her kick,
and how we dug our knuckles into the ground
instead of each other's throats.

Meu deus, como o nascer-do-sol é bonito, she would say.
©2007-2009 =StrayedMusician
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Submitted: May 2, 2007
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Published in Ohio Northern University's Polaris edition for 2007-2008 along with Be At Peace.

*

This one was a handful. a;slkdfj

Preview: *aykanozener

Portuguese translations:
(Obrigada João, *ThelemaJ. Casa comigo?)

* o pôr-do-sol é bonito = The sunset is so beautiful.
* mãe = mother
* caminhemos de mão dada = Let us walk hand in hand
* tenho saudades tuas = I miss you
* meu deus, como o nascer-do-sol é bonito = My god, how beautiful the sunrise looks


Note: No one may use any of my photos/drawings/poems for any reason without my permission. Please respect Copyrights. Thank you.

© Khaty Xiong
Daily Deviation, 2007-12-16

Daily DeviationComa by *StrayedMusician. "Being a mother whose child is lost has got to be one of the most terrifying things anyone will endure. Coma portrays that feeling with vivid imagery and chilling memories of a lost child." (Suggested by =ThelemaJ and Featured by `PoeticWar)

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I flailed my arms as you foretold the birth
of the sky as a titanic of celestial bodies,


The repetition of "as" made me pause my reading. I'm sure that, if you read that stanza again, you will notice that too.

As for the rest of the poem goes, I don't have any complaints when it comes to how it flows. It flows quite nicely, other than that particular stanza where it kind of threw off my reading.

I rather enjoyed this piece, even though it is quite the sad poem, but that is what it's supposed to be, afterall. It portrays a tragic, desperate setting and does it well. The images in my head were vivid, as always. As I have said, your imagery is one of the best qualities of your poetry.

(Sim)

--
The fiery windowsills of a setting sun.
Thank you kindly for the read, João.

As always, I appreciate your constructional feedback.
You're a wonderful editor. X:

You've always been very supportive of my writing.
So, again, many thanks my dearest.

(e fazes-me feliz)

--
porquÊ ? X:
You're quite welcome, sweetheart.

(:

--
The fiery windowsills of a setting sun.
The ending is weepful or the requisite sob.

i don't even know what to say. i have been terrible with critique lately. i just write stories back in the comment box and i am pretty sure that is the incorrect way of doing things.

this made me miss a lot of things.

* :heart: *

--
I hear
your voice
down the hall, through the window, above
all those trees, a light
it seems
& you are singing. What song
is that The words
are beautiful.

-LeRoi Jones
Aw.. why thank you kindly for the read and feedback. And about a proper critique? Don't worry about it at all. Anything you suggest or respond to is absolutely fine, really. This poem, by the way, gave me such a hard time. I had so much trouble writing it... but I'm glad it touched a few of my readers.

Not only was it difficult to write it because of the troubles any poet would go through but because ... oh man, I'm not even sure how to say this.

Well, thank you, kindly.

--
porquÊ ? X:
And I remember your sore tongue
from swallowing too hard, my head on your belly,
listening for the echoes of her kick,
and how we dug our knuckles into the ground
instead of each other's throats.


So intense and heartbreaking.

--
The fiery windowsills of a setting sun.
Obrigada por tudo, João. Obrigada.

--
porquÊ ? X:
Good job.. the ending is so sad...
Thank you for the read. Your support is greatly appreciated.

--
porquÊ ? X:
i had this faved after the first stanza
my how youve grown
you really made me share in the sympathy and despair you were feeling
im sorry

--
True Fact: In Ireland, poets dont have to pay income tax. Why?, you ask. Because Ireland is just that sweet

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